Finally, the definitive guide to ‘when you know, you know’
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which sorts people into one of 16 distinct personality profiles, has been around for over 70 years. But in the past decade, something unquestionably beautiful has taken place. MBTI, in all its nuanced glory, has finally met its soulmate: the Internet
What used to be a commonplace measure of understanding why you always hand in your assignments on time but your coworker Bill has been late to every meeting for the past 20 years (He can’t help it! He’s energized by being late to stuff!) is now a vibrant and dynamic system that will help you understand everything from who you should marry to what kind of dishtowel you are.
Perhaps the most compelling use we can find for the MBTI is to help us get to the bottom of a question that plagues us on a national level: How do we know when to stop swiping on Tinder? In the age of endless options, we have more trouble trusting our guts than we used to. So, here is the clear-cut, unquestionable sign that your search for a soulmate is complete, based on your Myers-Briggs personality type.
ESFP: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when loving them feels like the greatest adventure you’ve ever been on.ESFPs, the enthusiastic, outgoing adventurers of the MBTI, love being in love. But they also dread getting into a relationship that’s going to clip their wings and keep them from freely exploring the world and seeking out thrilling new adventures.
As an ESFP, you’ll know you’ve finally found your soulmate when loving them feels like a great and incredible adventure in and of itself. You’ll no longer worry about being limited in your exploration because being with them will not feel like settling down. It will feel like taking off on the most meaningful adventure of your life.
ISFP: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you’re finally both the artist and the masterpiece. ISFPs, the passionate, adventurous creatives of the MBTI, are known for their ability to look at other people and see art. These types view and portray their loved ones in the most beautiful fashion imaginable. Yet, they’re rarely looked at quite the same way in return.
As an ISFP, you’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you finally meet someone who looks at you the way you look at the people you love—that is, as though you are the world’s most exquisite masterpiece. For the first time, you’ll feel as admired as you tend to make other people feel. You’ll be with someone who understands that you aren’t just the artist; you’re a work of art yourself.
ESFJ: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you meet someone who doesn’t need “saving” but who loves you to pieces anyway.
ESFJs, the warm, down-to-earth nurturers of the MBTI, have a tendency to fall in love with people who need something from them. These types are natural caregivers and providers, which means they also happen to be magnets for people who are failing.
As an ESFJ, you’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you find yourself falling for someone who has their ducks in a row—but who wants you around nonetheless. Only when you find yourself with someone who truly is not dependent on you will you learn the joy of giving and receiving love freely. It’s the kind of joy you’ll never want to sacrifice again.
ISFJ: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when love finally makes you feel safe. ISFJs, the practical, down-to-earth caregivers of the MBTI, are prone to falling for people who don’t love them back with the same intensity and devotion. These types are lovers and givers through-and-through, but they often find themselves feeling insecure in relationships where their partner isn’t quite as involved or invested.
As an ISFJ, you’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you meet someone who makes you feel perfectly secure in your relationship. Rather than stressing over what the future will look like for the two of you, you’ll be able to relax and let things unfold because you’re certain that your partner’s values are aligned with your own. You’ll know that the two of you are ready and willing to prioritize each other every step of the way.
ENTP: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when a relationship finally opens more doors for you than it closes. ENTPs, the rational idea-generators of the MBTI, are often slammed for being commitment-averse. In reality, it’s not that these types fear commitment. It’s that they perceive too many things they might want to commit themselves to down the line, and they don’t want to close any doors for themselves.
As an ENTP, you’ll know that you’ve found the one when a relationship finally presents you with more new opportunities than it limits you from. Rather than feeling constrained or held back by your soulmate, you’ll feel encouraged, inspired and bettered by them. Those are the kind of feelings you’ll want to commit to. INTP: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you find someone who loves but doesn’t need you.
INTPs, the rational, inquisitive logicians of the MBTI, are known for being highly attuned to their own thoughts but not quite as engaged with their own feelings—or the feelings of others. These types often struggle to understand what’s required of them in a relationship, as satisfying the emotional needs of others doesn’t come naturally.
As an INTP, you’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you meet someone who enjoys your company immensely but who’s just as independent as you are and doesn’t expect you to meet their every need.
The person you ought to settle down with won’t waste their time playing mind games— they’ll tell you upfront when they need something. The rest of the time, they’ll be just fine taking care of themselves.ENTJ: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you start writing them into every long-term plan.
ENTJs, the strategic, long-term planners of the MBTI, are known for their tendency to think with their heads rather than their hearts. However, this isn’t entirely the case. In reality, the ENTJ’s head works in conjunction with their heart. When they fall for someone, everything about having that person in their lives starts making sense.
As an ENTJ, you’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you can no longer imagine a single plan for the future that doesn’t include them by your side. Your mind will begin writing them into every long-term plan you make, convincing you that they’re the most logical choice. In reality, they’re just the choice that you want to keep on making.
INTJ: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you begin questioning whether you live up to their standards, rather than the other way around.
INTJs, the rational, strategic masterminds of the MBTI, are known for high standards. These types are incredibly selective when it comes to who they seek out as a partner. They want to find someone who approaches their life with the same care and mindfulness that the INTJ applies to their own.
As an INTJ, you’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you suddenly stop questioning whether this person lives up to your standards and start asking yourself whether you live up to their’s. The last thing an INTJ wants is to become stagnant in a relationship. They need a partner who challenges them, pushes them, and inspires them to be a better version of themselves. Once they find that person, there’s no way they’re letting them go.
ESTP: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you want to be bold on their behalf. ESTPs, the fast-paced, risk-taking daredevils of the MBTI, are known for their gregarious personalities and their need for speed in all areas of their lives. These types often resist settling down for as long as possible, worrying that their lives will grow dull if they tie themselves down to one person.
As an ESTP, you’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you finally meet someone who brings out the “superhero” in you, who makes you want to be 10 times more courageous, more daring and more protective than you ever thought you could be, just to make them happy. Your protective streak will be exuberated by this person’s presence. Suddenly, there will be nothing you wouldn’t do to provide for them. And loving them will feel like a great adventure in and of itself.
ISTP: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when love feels like the easiest thing on earth. ISTPs, the practical, intellectual logicians of the MBTI, are known for thinking with their heads, rather than their hearts—which means they aren’t entirely fluent in the language of love. It’s not that ISTPs are uninterested in their partner’s needs; it’s just that they often can’t discern what those needs are. It can be stressful for the ISTP.
As an ISTP, you’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when love stops feeling like a massive, unsolvable puzzle. You’ll be with someone who communicates clearly and who doesn’t leave you hanging. You’ll be able to relax and be yourself in a relationship—instead of constantly walking on eggshells, worrying about offending your partner.
ESTJ: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you’re okay with relinquishing control. ESTJs, the organized, take-charge go-getters of the MBTI, are known for their propensity for being in control. These types want to take charge of everything in their lives, from their careers to their relationships. However, when they fall in love, their need for control lessens.
As an ESTJ, you’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you don’t need to micromanage the relationship. You won’t be worried about mistrusting your partner, misunderstanding their intentions, or mistaking something short-term for something with lasting potential. Your relationship will finally seem like a low risk, high reward investment—one that you plan to keep investing in for the rest of your life.
ISTJ: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you’re willing to go out on a limb for love.ISTJs, the diligent, rule-abiding guardians of the MBTI, are known for their strict adherence to an internal moral code that guides them through everything they do. These types are prone to measuring up potential partners against the values they hold for themselves, and they find that many potential partners fall short.
As an ISTJ, you’ll know you’ve met your soulmate when you find someone who makes you throw your rulebook out the window (even if you retrieve it afterward). You’ll realize it may be time to redefine some rules because you’ll finally have someone who makes you want to be a better person. And that experience is going to throw you for a loop.
ENFP: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when a relationship finally sets you free. ENFPs, the inventive and passionate explorers of the MBTI, are terrified of falling into a relationship that might limit their exploration. These types are incredibly passionate when they’re in love, but they aren’t interested in compromising the lifestyle they want. They need to find a partner who respects their autonomy and who doesn’t hold them back.
As an ENFP, you’ll know that you’ve finally found your soulmate when you meet someone who makes the world seem greater, vaster and wilder. Rather than limiting your options, your soulmate will break your world open and inspire you to chase after dreams you never thought possible. You’ll finally understand what it means to be loved in a way that makes you feel free, and it’s a feeling you won’t want to let go of.
INFP: You’ll know you’ve met your soulmate when you don’t need to embellish a thing about them. INFPs, the passionate, creative dreamers of the MBTI, are known for their tendency to invent and embellish upon their partners, often holding them to hopelessly unrealistic standards. These types mean well, but they often end up breaking their own hearts when they find themselves disillusioned.
As an INFP, you’ll know that you’ve finally found your soulmate when you stop having to invent anything about them. Because their reality is already poetry. Because their easy smile is already art. Because the way they drink coffee in the morning is already a goddamned masterpiece. The story the two of you share will be better than anything you could possibly have dreamt up.
ENFJ: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you finally meet someone who has just as much to teach you as they do to learn from you. ENFJs, the warm, intellectual nurturers of the MBTI, are known for their natural mentoring skills. These types are masters of bringing out the best in others. But when it comes to relationships, they’re prone to focusing so hard on the needs of their partner that they neglect their own.
As an ENFJ, you’ll know you’ve finally found your soulmate when you meet someone who has just as much to offer you as you have to offer them. Rather than falling into another one-sided relationship, you’ll find yourself in a true partnership: one where your desires, your needs and your personal development are prioritized as highly as your partner’s. You’ll be both the teacher and the student.
INFJ: You’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when you feel as seen and understood as you make other people feel.
INFJs, the complex, analytical counsellors of the MBTI, are known for their tendency to form quick, yet eerily accurate perceptions of the people around them. Friends and loved ones of the INFJ often report feeling as though the INFJ is able to “peer into their soul.”
However, the INFJ rarely feels as though others are capable of peering into theirs.
As an INFJ, you’ll know you’ve found your soulmate when the tables turn and someone finally understands you with all of the depth and nuance that you see in others. The feeling will be wildly uncomfortable, off-putting and magnificent. You’ll finally open yourself up to being understood entirely and loved for every fiber of the complex tapestry that makes up who you are.