• January 22, 2019

MAYBE WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK A SECOND TIME

Maybe we can work this out. Maybe we can fight for each other. Maybe we can both put in effort this time and come out stronger than before.

Maybe we do not have to part ways. Maybe we can be happy again. Maybe we can go back to the way it felt in the beginning, before any of the arguments and stress and silent treatments.

Maybe we should give this one more shot, one more second chance.

Maybe this was only a bump along our road. Maybe we need to push past this pain, to forgive each other, to learn to love each other again. Maybe everything will be okay between us soon if we work hard enough.

Maybe giving up is not the answer. Maybe we should be holding on tighter. Maybe we should be fighting more than we have ever fought before because when someone means something to you, you don’t leave them behind, you don’t throw up your hands and walk away without glancing back.

Or maybe… Maybe I should not be getting my hopes up.

Maybe I should stop planning out an imaginary future inside of my head when the present is still shaky. Maybe I should remind myself of all the ways you hurt me in the past. Maybe I should stop setting myself up for disappointment because this fairy tale ending that I have been hoping for is probably not going to happen. You are probably going to break my heart again. You are probably not going to change.

Maybe I should accept what happened between us. Maybe I should stop living in denial, stop staring at my phone hoping for a text, stop getting excited about a daydream. My heart might be telling me to stick around, but if I listen to my head, if I think logically, then I realize there is no reason to believe that we would work a second time. The chances are slim. They are virtually nonexistent.

Maybe I should stop second guessing our separation. We parted ways for a reason. It did not happen on accident. It was a decision. If we cared about each other enough, if we respected each other enough, then we never would have let ourselves drift apart. We would have put in effort from the beginning. If we were meant to be together, then we would still be together. We would have found a way to make it work.

Even though forgetting about you is the last thing I want to do, maybe I should finally force myself to move on, because I deserve better. Because I already gave you a million chances and you blew them all. Because I cannot spend the rest of my life hoping you will change when it has not happened yet. I cannot keep blindly loving you when you treat me this way.

Maybe I need a fresh start. Maybe I need to learn to live without you. Maybe getting together is the worst thing we could do.

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