• April 23, 2019

THE STUPID THINGS I DO TO FORGET ABOUT YOU

I drink to forget about you. I add wine to my dinners. I keep the fridge stocked with beer. I invite my friends out to clubs so we can gulp down shots and dance and forget about all of our problems, all of our responsibilities, all of our lost loves.

Except it never works. When there are a few drinks sloshing around in my stomach, I miss you even more. The later the night gets, texting you sounds like a better and better idea. I think of you from the time I take my first sip until I am popping Advil in the morning. You never leave my mind, even when I am trying my hardest to get rid of you.

I flirt with other people to forget about you. I text them late at night. I ask them if they are free to grab dinner. I like their photos online. I chase after them like I am interested in them, like they are the heartache cure I have been searching for this entire time. I get close to them in the hopes that it will distance myself from you.

Except it never works. I always end up comparing them to you. They will make me laugh, but not as hard as you did. They will give me butterflies, but not as many as you did. They will be fun to hang around with, but they won’t be you. They won’t even compare.

I make constant changes to forget about you. I cut my hair. I go to the gym. I take better care of my skin. I post pictures online that show me living my best life, a life that doesn’t involve you. I try to create a better present for myself so that I don’t miss you as much, so that I don’t feel like there is an empty hole inside of me ever since we separated.

Except it never works. I tell myself I’m doing those things to make myself happy, but I’m really doing them to impress you. I’m hoping you’ll see how good I look, how much I accomplish, how happy I am without you by my side and will have a change of heart. A part of me is hoping I could win you back.

I stay busy to forget about you. I work extra hours. I hang out with friends. I make time for family. I get shit done. Lately, I have not had a spare moment to myself because I have been running around like crazy. I make sure that my mind is occupied at all times so that I don’t have any free moments to mope, so that I never end up daydreaming about what could have happened between us.

Except it never works. It doesn’t matter whether I am taking a shower or driving down the highway because you will find a way to sneak into my thoughts. I will always end up thinking about you. I cannot forget about you. I cannot get over you

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