I have had my heart broken by someone I never even dated. Someone I had been texting back and forth with for weeks.
When he stopped answering my texts and returning my calls, I was confused. I was hurt. I kept trying to get in touch with him, even though I knew it made me look desperate. I missed him so much that I didn’t care about sending double (or even triple) texts.
I wanted answers from him. More than that, I wanted things to go back to the way they were. I wanted to erase the past few weeks, pretend they never happened, and resume our love story.
Of course, that never happened. I never heard from him again and I hated him for that. For disappearing without giving me an explanation, without letting me have any closure. I wanted to know why he left, I wanted to know whether I could have done anything to stop him.
Even though getting ghosted screwed with my head, making me feel unlovable, I am still guilty of doing it to other people.
I once ghosted someone because the chemistry just wasn’t there. I was not excited about texting him. I didn’t feel butterflies when his name appeared on my phone. Conversations felt like a chore. That is why my messages became shorter and more spaced apart until, eventually, I just decided not to answer.
It was not a conscious decision. I would read the message, tell myself I would get back to it later, and then completely forget.
That person wouldn’t even be a thought in my mind until he started texting more, leaving repeat messages because he wanted an answer from me. I felt bad for leaving him waiting, but I didn’t want to answer back because then he would ask questions I was uncomfortable answering: Where have you been? Why haven’t you been answering my texts? What did I do wrong? Why have you been acting so distant?
It would be difficult to explain that he never did anything wrong, that there just wasn’t a spark, that I wasn’t feeling the excitement that a budding relationship should bring.
I should have tried to explain the situation to him, but I chose to ghost him instead because I was afraid of telling him the truth. That we were never going to become a couple, that I was not interested in dating him, that I never meant to lead him on.
I took the cowardly way out and avoided confrontation — but I didn’t see it that way at the time. I told myself I was doing the right thing, I was letting him down easy. I thought he would get the hint when I stopped answering. I thought he would realize chasing after me was a waste of his time and give up.
It turns out, I only made it worse. I hurt him deeper than I ever intended.
I cannot take back what I have done to him, but I am never going to ghost someone again, because I would never want it to happen to me again.